{"id":1321,"date":"2019-11-07T13:27:00","date_gmt":"2019-11-07T19:27:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lfsmusings.com\/?p=1321"},"modified":"2020-09-26T17:15:24","modified_gmt":"2020-09-26T22:15:24","slug":"when-i-look-in-the-mirror","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lillyfei.com\/index.php\/2019\/11\/07\/when-i-look-in-the-mirror\/","title":{"rendered":"When I Look in the Mirror"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

When I look in the mirror, what do I see? <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The eyes that were the subject of so many taunts and jokes. No amount of makeup could make them larger and rounder.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The hair that wouldn’t curl, laying limp against my face. A similar color to my adoptive father’s, leading kids to question if he was actually my biological dad.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A nose without a bridge, causing glasses to sit against my cheeks. The harsh, red lines imprinted against my skin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lips people called “full and kissable”. A seemingly harmless compliment that made me feel fetishized and dirty. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What about beneath the surface?<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Someone broken by abandonment who can no longer show up for their friends and family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Someone who seems to have it all, but always knew there was something missing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Someone who knows the burning questions will never be answered, but doesn’t stop seeking the information.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I look in the mirror and know for a post-adoption life, mine is fantastic. Without society’s help, I know what I’m grateful for. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know I survived trauma. I know I am strong.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

But my relinquishment? My second abandonment? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

They’ve permanently engrained<\/p>\n\n\n\n

WHY ME<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

on my forehead. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don’t see the glowing qualities my friends and family tell me I have. I’m left staring at my reflection picking out traits and behaviors that could give me an answer. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Adoption may have given me a life that seems like a fairytale, but adoption hasn’t examined what it did to my self-worth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Adoption, you created me. It’s time for you to see all of me<\/em>. <\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When I look in the mirror, what do I see? The eyes that were the subject of so many taunts and jokes. No…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4349,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[23],"tags":[41,452,453,665],"class_list":["post-1321","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adoption","tag-adoptee","tag-national-adoption-awareness-month","tag-national-adoption-month","tag-transracial-adoption"],"yoast_head":"\nWhen I Look in the Mirror - LillyFei<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"When I look in the mirror, what do I see? The eyes that were the subject of so many taunts and jokes. 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