{"id":4862,"date":"2020-12-03T10:00:00","date_gmt":"2020-12-03T16:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lfsmusings.com\/?p=4862"},"modified":"2021-01-22T15:13:10","modified_gmt":"2021-01-22T21:13:10","slug":"the-need-for-tra-community","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lillyfei.com\/index.php\/2020\/12\/03\/the-need-for-tra-community\/","title":{"rendered":"The Need for TRA Community"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

It didn\u2019t matter with whom I was sitting. The white kids. The Chinese kids. I felt out of place. Both groups reminded me that I was not a part of them. It was clear from my looks, my behavior, the way I spoke. I felt like a fish out of water. I still feel like that. I know how the world perceives me. I know the surprise when I open my mouth and I am not what they expected. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It wasn\u2019t until I began embracing my transracial adoptee identity<\/strong> <\/em>and seeking connections with fellow transracial adoptees (TRA), that I felt safe. It\u2019s different with other TRAs. I don\u2019t have to explain myself. They get that I don\u2019t speak the language, eat the food, have biological connections, know my birthday. I know the same things about them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t feel like I have to prove myself. I don\u2019t feel like an imposter. I feel comfortable saying things like, \u201cI want to celebrate the holiday, but I don\u2019t know how. I didn\u2019t have a Chinese mother to teach me.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It wasn\u2019t until the TRA connections that I felt totally safe. And of course, even within the community there will be debates and challenging conversations. The safety comes from knowing I won\u2019t be judged for a choice I didn\u2019t have a say in. I didn\u2019t choose to be adopted, to lose an identity, a family, or a culture. But it happened. I can\u2019t change it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Transracial adoptees, especially<\/em> young transracial adoptees, must have access to this community. I rejected it when I was younger and I wish I hadn\u2019t. Young adoptees must know it is okay to feel the things they are feeling. It isn\u2019t weird. It isn\u2019t wrong. And they are not the only ones feeling it. They must have access to people who have gone through it and can offer genuine advice instead of platitudes and statements of invalidation that will only make them feel shame for their complexities. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When children are young, it is a parent\u2019s responsibility to find the resources and support for the child. Often, adoptee groups are online (especially in the age of COVID). Find them because it\u2019s unrealistic for a young adoptee to have the internet privileges to do so. The spaces are created and they are safe. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The connections are just as important as racial mirrors and representation. People need connection. They need to know they are not alone. Transracial adoptees have a unique type of representation that is now much more accessible than ever before. Utilize it. Help adoptees feel safe as they reclaim their stories and identities. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It didn\u2019t matter with whom I was sitting. The white kids. The Chinese kids. I felt out of place. 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