What’s a Gotcha Day

Adoption Day. Anniversary of the day I was adopted. Family Day.

Never Gotcha Day.

Was it the pet community or the adoption community that used it first? I have no clue. At this point, I’m not sure it even matters anymore. All I know is that in the several polls I have seen, the overwhelming majority of adoptees who participate vote “no” when asked if they like Gotcha Day. 

Sure, we can talk about biases and variables that may affect the results, but I think what’s more important to discuss is how despite adoptees saying they do not like to use Gotcha Day to name the anniversary of their adoption, people ignore this request and use it anyway.

This has happened to me, too. 

When I was younger, I liked the term. In fact, I preferred it. I asked my parents to call it Gotcha Day. It wasn’t until I got older and realized how objectifying it is that I changed my mind. Now, I politely remind people that Gotcha Day is not something I use. 

To me, “gotcha” is something you say when you prank someone… or when you are telling someone you understand. “I gotcha!” It’s not something to signify adoption. My parents didn’t get me. I am not an object someone gets. While I may have liked the term before I had a firm grasp on gotcha, it has now become something that feels belittling. 

However, I also remember that adoptees should be free to call their day whatever they want. The day is about them after all. Their adoption. If they want to acknowledge it, they can. If they don’t want to, they shouldn’t have to. If they change their minds, they should be able to.

Invalidating an adoptee’s feelings so you can use a term that makes you comfortable is wrong. Forcing an adoptee to adhere to certain terminology to describe their own experience is wrong. Be aware of the debates surrounding Gotcha Day. Be aware that forcing someone to use that term is invalidating and disrespectful. 

Recognize that an adoptee should hold the power in describing their experiences and those descriptions can evolve. Understand that not every adoptee will have the same feelings towards everything and just because one likes the term doesn’t permit you to use it on someone else. It’s not about you. It’s about the adoptee.