Who do I look like?

What is it like to look in the mirror when you don’t know anyone you are biologically related to?

Do most people look at themselves and have those quick thoughts about how they have their mother’s eyes or their father’s nose?

What do I think about? I question who I look like. I question what I will look like when I get older. Do my eyes look like my mother’s? Do I have any siblings? Do we look alike?

Will I ever meet my family?

Realistically, I will never know or meet my biological family.

I will never know where I got my nose. Unless I have children biologically, I will never know anyone who shares my DNA.

The thought is daunting. Sometime’s it debilitates me. It is so terrifying knowing there is a biological family out there, but you may never know them. If I have biological children, I will never be able to look at them and say, “Oh hey you have your grandmother’s nose!”

Mirrors may not be this triggering for non-adopted people. They may not look into them and think about their entire family history (or lack thereof). And no, not all adoptees think these things either.

I do. I question where my family is. I question what they are doing. I question if they think of me. Maybe they do. Maybe they don’t.

But I will probably never know.