Being Allowed to Advocate

I have gotten asked many times (or if someone is too afraid to ask me, they will discuss this with someone else and it gets back to me), “How do your parents let you speak about these things?”

The question is always confusing for me. By the time you read this, I will be 26. Yes, I am closer to 30 than I am 20. I’m a PhD candidate. I support myself. I have my own life. I have my own experiences. My first response is typically one along the lines of, “I’m an adult and don’t need permission.” This typically isn’t very effective because, as we know, the infantilization of adoptees is a very common problem. Here’s the necessary and annoying disclaimer: No, not everyone displays this behavior. Yet, there are those (many) who think of adoptees as perpetual children in need of saviors.

At this point, I’m not sure what else I would need to do to prove that I am an adult, but I also don’t believe that only adults should be allowed to share. As my graphic above says: “Having this freedom (speaking openly about my experiences and feelings) is a result of being raised in a safe environment that allowed me to say what I wanted without fear of abandonment”

There was not a magical age when I was suddenly able to speak and live authentically. I didn’t turn 18 and acquire a new ability. I am able to speak about these things because that is how I was raised. YES, it can lead to some very uncomfortable conversations. But they are not scary for me. When people focus on the fact that I am an adult and don’t need permission to speak up, I have to remind them that while being an adult is definitely a factor, it is not the sole reason why I can speak up.

Of course, I understand that there are minors who are dependents and speaking up could put their safety in danger. I recognize that everyone has a different situation. My point here is that the safety to speak up should be offered at any age. Living authentically shouldn’t be something one must fight for.

So, what are my big takeaways from this?

1. I’m 26 and am way past the age of needing permission to do things. This doesn’t mean I lack compassion and just do things without considering others. But there is no one preventing me from doing something because they hold a governing power over me.
2. I don’t think there is a magical age where you can suddenly live authentically. This should be something everyone is allowed to do and sadly, that is not the case. My hope is that everyone will eventually find the support they need to be their authentic selves.

If you’d like to watch my episode on this, see the video below: