Thoughts for my 26th Birthday

Happy 26th Birthday to Me!

I wasn’t quite sure how this year would go. I spent my 25th birthday reflecting on how different my life was than I had predicted. I was still processing my broken engagement and living in a new apartment. I was focusing on my own strength and independence. 

Turning 26 is yet again, filled with reflection and surprise at how my life is turning out. I have reconciled with my partner. We are still in the middle of a pandemic. I am performing all of my teaching duties virtually. I am finally seeing my parents for the first time since Christmas. 

I don’t think I am alone in reflecting on the last year of life and questioning how I got to where I am now. And of course, birthdays are always filled with the normal adoptee feelings for me too. 

According to my paperwork (which already estimated my birthday based on my medical exam) I was relinquished at 3 days old. What does October 15th mean to me? It may or may not be my actual birthday, but more importantly, if it is my birthday, it is part of the very short time I had with my first family. 

I always think of my first family on my birthday. Especially my first mom. I always knew I was adopted and I didn’t come from my adoptive mom’s belly. I’ve always been jealous of the non-adoptees in my life who know the exact date and time they were born…. Who grew up hearing about their birth stories… Whose mom would call right on time and say, “This exact time, X years ago, you were born!”

I wonder if they named me. I wonder how long they held me. I wonder who placed me at the police station to be found. I wonder if they think of me too. If they look at the year and picture where I am as a 26-year-old. 

My birthday is always bittersweet. Thankfully, my adoptive family holds space for my first family. They validate these feelings and let the happiness and sadness come.

Unlike my 25th birthday, I don’t have words of advice for my younger self. Instead, I reflect on the last year and validate everything that has happened.

I know that many people have loved and supported me to get me to where I am today. I am proud of my resilience. I am proud of the woman I have become. I am proud of the woman I aspire to be.